WHY DO I WRITE THESE POSTS?
I’ve been busy for a few weeks writing a post about MINDSET AND EXERCISE, but it completely got away from me! Couldn’t stop writing when I first started and since I’m not a big reader myself, I’ll try not to make my posts too long! Although it can obviously be a challenge, little laughs.
Those of you who know me, know that I can talk and write anyone to sleep if I have something on my mind.
Have decided that you will get MINDSET AND EXERCISE when I have made up with myself if it is possible to shorten.
Instead of not moving on, I decided to do – WHY DO I WRITE THESE POSTS, which I can see will also end up requiring a good pot of coffee to get through.
If you have read some of my previous posts, I would not rule out that there may be topics and statements that may repeat themselves, as EVERYTHING I write comes directly from what is on my mind when I write.
There is no topic that can be described briefly and there is nothing that is simply black and white, so some topics will automatically recur in other contexts. Everything is shared honestly, authentically and straight from the heart.
My intention with my posts is to get into ALL AREAS of us as human beings.
Everything we do and are is connected. Our way of thinking, doing things and being as a person.
The choices we make and the way we choose to live, to the way we treat others and see ourselves.
The posts I choose to share with you are based on my own experiences, so nothing I say is necessarily scientifically proven other than based on my own body.
Respect that we are all very different.
Various titles on paper is probably the knowledge we obtain after studying various subjects, but I compare it a bit to when we have taken our driver’s license.
Just because we have a certificate/paper to be allowed to drive, it does not mean that everyone is an equally good driver.
We can read and educate ourselves about how we should live our lives, what is best, healthiest and most right to do in terms of numbers, analysis and science, but in my view our own experiences are stronger than the titles and numbers.
It is incredibly important that we as people do not compare ourselves to each other!
I am well aware that it can be challenging not to, as the media are good at influencing our perception of what is best and most right – HOW we should live.
As if happiness is found among all the material things we can buy or by looking a certain way or living on a health trip where smoking, drinking or eating fast food etc. is not allowed.
The guy in North Korea is very good at dictating what his people must know, do and think, but don’t underestimate the way the media in our end of the world wants to influence our perception of reality – just look at how it went during Covid- 19. Anyone who did not behaved like the majority, was looked upon negatively. It may happen that a few tomatoes are thrown this way now with that statement, but I firmly believe that it is ok to stand by one’s own values and beliefs, as long as the intentions are good.
I have been good at comparing myself to everyone else years ago and for that reason did not feel good enough as who I am. This is why I can say without hesitation that you must not compare yourself to others!
No one but ourselves has lived the life that we ourselves have. Maybe there are some who have experienced similar things, but our childhood is marked by our own parents, who have influenced us based on the life they come from. They are just a pattern from the upbringing they themselves have been a part of and for that reason unconsciously passed it on to their own children. It is only in my time that there is more focus on being able to work with one’s own patterns and behavior, so that it is possible to consciously change the behavior that has been repeated through several generations.
So NEVER compare yourself to others but let others inspire and motivate you to the life YOU want to live. What works on my body doesn’t necessarily work on your body, but it may be that my experience makes you want to try other things than you are familiar with, to see what works on your body.
I listen, let myself be inspired and motivated by those who have tried a lot on their own body and psyche. Have RESPECT for those who have had a lot of adversity in life and despite that aim to turn that into their strength and not let the past define who they are.
Have a lot of respect for those who build their own lives from nothing to a growing existence.
Knowing that no people come into our lives by chance. So am both honored and grateful for the people in my life who show me the way from dreams to reality. Nothing comes without action, time and hard work of persistence and patience.
In some areas you can feel alone with the things you experience and then it is liberating to find out that others have actually also experienced similar things in life and you are not alone.
Therefore, these shares are only made to inspire and motivate others.
When you read this, remember to keep in mind that my beliefs about what is good, bad, right and wrong do not have to be yours. So read and use only what makes sense to you.
In my post about MINDSET AND EXERCISE, I touch upon the fact that my mindset has been far from what it is today! I had a very very dark mindset.
Years ago when I had a different name, I was VERY self-destructive – took EVERYTHING other people said as criticism and was twice as hard on myself when I didn’t live up to my own standards which were impossible to live up to. Was unsure of myself, so my school days were spent double-checking homework and avoiding active participation in class, I was afraid of, my answers weren’t right – then I felt like I was working twice as hard to keep up with everyone else and life overall was a great match.
Saw all the flaws and limitations in a lot and rarely felt anything. Had learned to shut down my emotions to survive. There are still periods in my life I don’t remember very clearly.
I was told a few years ago that it is quite natural that we as humans, both emotionally and memory-wise, repress what hurts in order to survive in the environment we are in.
I could easily smile and feel pain inside. I never felt good enough in the eyes of others and myself.
Had learned from home not to show anger or if I was upset, so I quickly learned to smile no matter what.
Am by nature a very happy person, so it has not been difficult to hide, but I would not be able to do that today. I am so authentic to myself that it would be impossible to cover up how I feel.
I was a master at putting on different “hats” and conforming to the people I was with. During a period of my life I was rarely “authentic”, if you had asked my family who I was, I was one way and with my girlfriends another way, etc.
Today I am the same person no matter who I am with. I try not to be anyone but myself and it has been liberating to let go of the bad conscience of having to live up to everyone else’s expectations and demands in order to fit into the framework as the good daughter, mother, friend, etc. in their eyes.
It is an impossible task because everyone has an opinion based on who they are, so you will never be able to make everyone happy but only leave yourself with a feeling of not being good enough in their eyes.
With such a mindset, it is difficult to see joy, possibilities and the coolness of generally being loved for who you are and extra difficult when you have not learned to love yourself.
Did not dare to take chances because the fear of failure was bigger than the curiosity to learn.
Can you change your mindset? YES, are you crazy – you can change EVERYTHING about yourself if you want!
Is it difficult to change your mindset? I would be lying if I said it was easy, but you only became a better driver after several years of experience, and that’s how it is when you start working on yourself.
After all, we learn as long as we live, unless we choose life in the “hamster wheel”.
When you work with yourself, you may find that your beliefs about right and wrong not have been right after all, and that can be scary! Because it changes one’s view of oneself and others both attitudinally and emotionally. Your entire foundation can be experienced as being torn away under you and you have to start all over again to build it all up again by finding out what values and beliefs you now have.
It is not only at the beginning but also later in life that you can gain knowledge that makes you question the path your on may turn out to do nothing good for you anyway.
This can hurt the ego, because it requires you to move your comfortzone from the beliefs you had before to the ones you get – it can also be difficult to change for the outside world.
There will be people who do not wish you the best and would rather you continue to be the same person as they know. They will keep reminding you of how you were and all the things that cannot be done, etc.
There will also be those who do not understand you and then there will be the people who support you.
It is very normal that you get new relationships, as they do not judge you like the old relationships can.
Some are friends for life and become part of your journey, while others were only there for a period of your life. One thing is for sure, EVERYONE in your life has helped to shape you and those who do not support you as the person you decide to be, are not the right people to have around you.
FIRST STEP FROM THE SELF-CRITICAL THINKING
It makes your mind stronger when you lean to think and talk nicely about and to yourself.
Then comes self-love, finding tools so that you also learn to love all sides of yourself so you can feel the love when others give you compliments and say nice words. Everything takes practice just like driving a car.
With time you get better and at some point you start to be able to feel the loving words, just as you could feel the pain in the words when you were shouted at, scolded or criticized by others in the past, but this requires you to get into your body and FEEL how it feels. Learn to turn your head off when it dictates everything you have to achieve before you can sleep.
When I say listen to your body, I mean, be honest with yourself – if your body is tired then go to bed earlier, if it is stressed then don´t do all the tasks etc. Ultimately it is YOURSELF who controls your own body.
So it is only one’s own beliefs that set the limitations and the excuses that it cannot be done.
I remember being provoked when I first heard about it and thought – easier said than done, but I can’t do that! Because then I felt that I failed this and that and had a bad conscience that I don’t get to do this and that. Can say today that it was only because I had linked those feelings to my expectations. Those feelings can change and so can your mental prison of limitations.
Just as many know which food the body functions most optimally with, we ourselves can have an influence on how our life should be experienced and lived while we have it.
It may well happen that there have been challenges and hardships throughout life, such as a bad childhood, illness or other conceivable reasons why you think it has been difficult to get something good out of life.
In order to be able to feel yourself, you need to go back to the first time THE emotions were connected to the feelings that you either try to suppress or refuse to feel.
And yes, it starts in childhood, because that’s where we learned EVERYTHING for the first time.
Maybe it was there that we only felt loved if we behaved in a certain way and learned to fit in, but is it love when you are not allowed to be the person you are?
It is not, so already there you will find one out of many behavioral patterns that can follow you in life.
Some we can learn to live with while others can limit us from joy etc.
Whether you want to change them is up to you. I’ve done it and can say it’s worth the whole roller coaster ride.
Choose to see my adversity as learning and make the best out of the worst in order to move on.
Nothing in our lives should define us, unless we ourselves want it to.
We are not the person we used to be. We learn throughout life and experiences have changed us into the person we are today. For that reason, we will not be the same person in a few years, unless we choose not to learn more about life and ourselves.
If you are reading this post, this is just a confirmation that you are as strong soul as I am.
Has a fighter’s spirit that doesn’t give up without a fight. Are very passionate about the things you believe in and only move on in life after trying to fight for what matters to you. Not all battles are won throughout life, but neither are they said to be lost, because learning and experiences come out of everything.
Work with your emotions, your mindset, get to know your body inside and out and the more you get to know your own needs and feelings, the easier it will be to connect the good feelings to the thoughts that make you feel resigned and practice. You can’t miss something you don’t know exists, but once you’ve felt something delicious, such as falling in love for the first time, you also know that it’s possible to feel joy.
By no means saying it is easy, but we learn nothing if life was only easy.
It would be great if the roads we drove on only went straight out – no turns, stops, hills or other challenges to get to where we want to end up.
WE ARE ALL JUST PEOPLE
It may well happen that we live in different environments and basically surround ourselves with people who have the same values as ourselves, but it is not WHAT we have of material things or how many titles we achieve through life that defines us as a human being, it is WHO we are based on behavior and actions.
We came into this world alone and we leave it alone (rarely we die at the same time) without all our martial things.
So cut to the bone, the only thing that separates us humans from our differences is only our knowledge we bring with us from this life (some from previous lives)
From the day we are born to the day we die – Everything else is just things that help sweeten our existence while we are here. So how would you like to be remembered the day you are no longer here?
Did you manage to leave your personal mark on those you met throughout life?
Did you create childhood memories with your children or are you trying to make up for it by being there for your grandchildren so they remember you? Etc..
It’s okay to be YOU, no matter how you choose to live your life.
It’s YOUR LIFE, so you decide for yourself whether to enjoy it, waste it or just get over it.
/Elenna
